Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize