If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
