Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
do nipples grow back?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize