something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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