Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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