saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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