ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
