Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
