I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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