You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
