i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
someone owes me an orgasm
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize