You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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