I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
