I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
