kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I need moral support for this bender
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
