forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
