I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
