Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
