So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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