An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
