It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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