Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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