didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need to calm my uterus...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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