shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
