Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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