Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
