i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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