I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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