So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
