god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
