she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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