I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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