Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
