I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
did you just send me my own nude
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