i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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