DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize