ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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