My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
