just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
