Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
