Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You took a bar mat shot.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
