I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
