my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
