Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
