Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
