I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
