The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
