i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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