They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
