Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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