Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
this hospital has no fireball
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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