All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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