we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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