I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
