i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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