It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
