You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
