I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
