Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
