Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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