Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
