I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
