I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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