We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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